Dear Future Me

You will be happy and you will have the life you dream of all the time. Just right now, you gotta get through the bad times. The road of life is very long and bumpy, and sometimes you may hit a ditch or two and get stuck for a while, but you will come out of it stronger than ever. Keep your head up and fight for what you want, but don't fight for things that aren't worth fighting for. If it doesn't bring you anything positive to the table, leave it behind you and take it as a lesson learned. Don't let all these haters get to you clearly they are just jealous. You're a great woman and you know you are so start acting like it and don't ever settle for less than what you deserve.

Bellagio Christmas

HaPpY hAlLoWeEn!

Let's Go To Bed

Tonight I have a sleep study. This is one of those things that I have avoided for years. Since I was always overweight and always suffered from chronic insomnia the sleep study has been recommended to me over and over and over again. Not looking forward to this procedure or do I believe I will sleep enough for them to be able to tell anything one way or another but my butt will show up and participate.

Prednisone Is An Evil Drug

Hello all! I have been in hiding trying to get well for some time now, and I am about ready to come out and join society again. I have been going through a very tough time with the high dosage of prednisone. As with all medications, there are risks developing side effects, and I have developed quite a few side effects from the prednisone.

I have been sweating in large amounts. When I say large amounts, I mean that I wake up with my body soaked from head to toe and my fingers and toes are pruned from the sweat. My hair is half soaked and the bed sheets are wet. During the day I have been taking at least 2 showers a day due to the amount of sweat that I have been dealing with.

The prednisone has caused my mouth to become extremely dry and I have no taste at all! I can not drink enough of anything to make my mouth feel normal. Soda, water, gatorade, nothing has taste or moisture. I have found my alter ego, and she’s a tornado, ripping apart anything and anyone that crosses her path. My alter ego visits at random times throughout the day and disappears as quickly as she appears. Sometimes I am mad and God help anyone around me. Sometimes I’m sad and do nothing but cry.

My boyfriend is the most loving, caring, understanding man on the face of this planet, and I have taken every ounce of frustration and pain out on him. He is still here kissing me on the forehead and telling me how much he loves me and that I will be well soon.

I have four more days and 5 more pills, God help me survive the rest of this week.

Life Is Always Throwing Something At Me

I have been in bed ill with an inner ear infection since July 9, 2013 under the care of two physicians who have placed me on an aggressive prednisone treatment and took me off work until July 23.  The side effect so far are nausea, diarrhea, difficulty sleeping, and extreme sweating.  The sweating is the WORST of the symptoms, I am taking three to four showers a day and have three fans in my bedroom and am still sweating like I am sitting in a sauna.

All this down time is giving me plenty of time to read up on the diet I will be eating after my surgery. Been bookmarking lots of pages.

My Timeline to Surgery

1.  Attend an educational seminar.  ~~Accomplished July 11, 2013
2.  Verify and review insurance benefits. ~~Accomplished July 19, 2013
3.  Receive phone call to discuss next steps. (5 to 7 business days) ~~Accomplished July 19, 2013
4.  Obtain a referral to our program. (only if required by your insurance) ~~Not Required July 19, 2013
5.  Your patient advocate will inform you when it is time to complete the online registration.
6.  Complete intake testing and consults.

• Psych Evaluation
• Blood and Lab Work
• EKG
• Chest X-Ray
• Nutritional Counseling  ~~Not Required July 19, 2013
• Primary Care Physician Clearance  ~~Not Required July 19, 2013

7.  Office consultation.
8.  Precertification.
9.  Preoperative Appointment

• Added July 19, 2013 - $4,500 ~ They might as well have said a million dollars there is no way I can come up with or afford this.

10.  Surgery
11.  Follow up

Carpet pulled out from under me once again and for the last time.

(Re) Starting My Journey

I was approved for lap band surgery in February 2009.  I went through all the necessary steps, tests, evaluations and paperwork and was attempting to schedule my surgery in March 2009. At this time my insurance company decided that they DID NOT cover this procedure that I was told in February that they did. I appealed and lost. Blue Cross Blue Shield SUCKS!

The following is a list of my health in detail as of February 2009.

Height: 66 Inches 

Weight: 278.1 

BMI: 45.2 

Frame Size: Medium 

Ideal Body Weight : 137.7 

Excess Body Weight: 142.4 

Current Medical Issues: GERD, Hypertension, Hypercholesterolemia, Hyperlipidemia, Metabolic Snydrome, and Impaired Glucose Tolerance. 

My dreams were shattered.  I reached for the stars and was struck by lightning.  A lot has happened since March 2009.   I have moved three times, got a new job, separated from my husband who I am in the process of divorcing and met the true love of my life.

My weight went crazy out of control going up and down with my mood, sickness, boredom, stress finally it reached a high of 298.6.  I was standing on that scale looking down at this number slapping me in the face and I swore I would NOT reach 300 pounds!  I immediately started changing my eating habits, walking daily, cutting out soda, fast food, anything that was tasty and brought me joy was now off limits.  My weight went up and down, I discovered I enjoyed walking (I have walked two 5K marathons since 2012)  I managed to lose 55.8 pounds, bad habits returned and to date I have gained 27.8 pounds of it back.

My love and I were recently discussing my current frustration with my recent weight loss failure and he asked if I had ever thought about lap band surgery.  It caught me off guard and he asked again babe have you ever thought of looking into lap band surgery.   I responded I heard you and told him to hold on a moment, I went and opened a filing cabinet and took out these three dusty folders held together with a rubber band and returned and handed them to him.  He asked what is this, I said open it and see.  He flipped through them and told me how sorry he was that I went through all that and had the carpet pulled from under me in the final hour.

His next statement was "Does your current insurance cover this?" to which I responded yes, I know several people at work who have had it performed.   He said "What are you waiting for?"  My response "I am afraid of getting my hope up again, I could not physically, mentally, emotionally go through being turned down again.

To which he responded, "You will never forgive yourself if you do not try"

I went to the Surgical Weight Control Center seminar tonight to attempt to reach my dream again.

It's Always Best To Start At The Beginning

I originally started this journey in January 2008.  I made the decision to start researching the lap band, a less risky version of the gastric bypass. There is no actual cutting of the stomach, just a band that is placed around the top of your stomach to limit the amount of food that is digested at a time.  After about a year I felt comfortable enough with my research and decision to proceed.

In January 2009 my first step was to attend a seminar at Surgical Weight Control Center, they get your information and a copy of your insurance card and then you spend a couple of hours listening to one of the doctors who performs the surgery talk you through each one.  Educational and somewhat boring because if you are like me you have already researched this to death and know all you can possibly know.

A few days later I got the phone call that my insurance company approved my surgery I would have to come up with a copay of $500.00 and meet some other requirements. Proof of a six month supervised weight loss diet and medical records for 5 years showing my BMI had been over 40.  I had to have blood work performed, a EKG and chest x-ray.  I had to have a psychological evaluation, see a  nutritionist and attend classes on how to properly eat after the procedure was performed.

I was able to complete all the requirements and attend my office consultation by early March, I was cleared for surgery a week later, and my preoperative appointment was on March 18, 2009 and my surgery date was set for April 9, 2009. Everything was perfect and then at the end of March I found a denial letter in my mailbox from Anthem Blood Cross Blue Shield stating they did not and have never covered this procedure. I appealed they denied a second time,  my doctor wrote letters, The staff at the Surgical Weight Control Center did everything they could without success. The only way I was having this surgery was to pay cash upfront or manage to receive financial assistant, neither I was able to do.

I was yet again a failure something I am very use to being.

Madame Tussauds Las Vegas

Valley of Fire State Park

Afternoon at Sunset Park

 

Mischievious Diet Fairy

I woke up late feeling very dizzy and lightheaded this morning (I have Meniere Disease) I managed to get a quick shower, dressed and out the door without falling over or throwing up.

On my way to work I stopped at Sonic to get a Route 44 Coke that I had convinced myself I needed plus I had a coupon to get it FREE!! I got to work rushed inside with my purse hanging on my arm and my coke in one hand and my other hand free to work the time clock. While clocking in the cup in my left hand started cracking and my finger proceeded to go through the styrofoam. Half the coke went into my purse the other half and the cup went into the floor.

I assume that was the diet fairy trying to tell me I didn't need the drink after all. To finish off my wonderful morning I now have a flat tire. Is it really Friday? Cause it is really feeling like a Monday to me!!

Needless to say I did not remember to weigh in today either.

Jaylynn Carolynn

Grand Child #2

Jaylynn Carolynn was born this morning 7 lbs 15 oz and 22 inches long.

Sedona - Grand Canyon, Weekend

I had the most AMAZING weekend with the most AMAZING man!  Our adventure started with a quick visit to Route 66.  We would love to actually ride the whole route one day but for today we just got to see the beginning that started right off I-40 in Kingman, Arizona.

After our small pit stop, we continued on our way to Sedona, Arizona for some much-needed adult alone time.

We had reservations at Sunset Chateau Bed and Breakfast Inn.  It was an amazing place and had an even more amazing view.  We arrived, checked in and checked out our amazing room.  We got the fireplace going and ordered pizza and wine delivered to our room.  While Steve waited for the pizza delivery man I went and started a nice hot bubble bath.  Once the pizza was delivered Steve joined me.  This tub was amazing I want one in our future home.  After our bath, we had our pizza and wine in front of the fireplace and then retired to bed for the evening.

The following morning we went to the dining room to see what was being served for breakfast.  I must say the chef prepared something that was different but we tried it.  I am sure Steve didn't enjoy it. I didn't like it much but it was edible. From there we went to our room and got packed up and headed to the Grand Canyon. 

Breathtaking is the only words I can think of to explain it.  The freshly fallen snow made it look like a fairy tale.  One day we hope to return and take the train from Williams, Arizona to the Canyon.  After a day of walking and sightseeing, we headed back home to continue our fairy tale.

2 Hours

My honey will be here in two hours!!

January Goals

Happy New Year Everyone!   The last 3 months of 2012 I got off track and regained 13.6 pounds, I am not proud of this, but it isn't the end of my journey.  2013 presents a fresh new year with three hundred and sixty-five days full of possibilities. When you look at the clean slate it presents what do you see?  I see the opportunity to get back on track and continue the journey I started 14 months ago. I am starting the year 13.6 pounds lighter.  It is not a huge impressive number, but that is 13.6 pounds I will never see again. This year I am going to continue the journey of health, healing and change.  I'm feeling hopeful that my life is headed in the right direction.

My short term goals to complete by January 31, 2013 

• Walk 30 minutes a day 5 times a week.
• Drink 64-70 ounces of water a day.
• Cut out all soda.
• No eating after 8:00 pm.
• Lose 6 pounds. (256.4 starting weight)

 My long term goals to complete by May 31, 2013 

• Be able to wear the nursing scrubs they sell at Walmart. (Silly but personal)
• Lose 30 pounds. (256.4 starting weight).
• Walk 5K "Race for the Cure" on May 4, 2013.