You are Enough

You have spent enough time worrying about not being enough in someone else's eyes.

Now it's time to be enough in yours.

♥️

Tales of the Scale

Last Weigh In Weight: 263.3

Today's Weigh In Weight:  315.0

Weight Gain: ↑ 51.7

BMI: 41.2 - Obesity Class III 

Beginning Weight: 315.0

Free at Last

Today I was released from the hospital around 10:30am.  First stop was McDonald's for a Big Mac Meal.  Then I proceeded to Walmart to pick up my medication and some groceries.  I went home took a hot shower in my bathroom and then climbed into my bed and slept until 10:00pm. I got up, took my medication ate some beef broth, and went back to bed.

♥️

Day Two

I woke up early this morning and called my daughter to make arrangements to move back to Las Vegas and live with my niece and her boyfriend until I can get back on my feet. After ending my phone call I was told that breakfast had arrived on the unit. I walked down to the food cart and picked up my tray and walked back to my room.  I didn't know anyone as yet and I like to avoid drama.  I had a breakfast of 2 scrambled eggs, wheat toast, grapes, yogurt, and Pepsi.  I was happy to discover that this hospital had great food, better than some restaurants I had eaten at.

After breakfast, I called my best friend (CH) and discussed coming back to my previous job in medical scheduling.  She said she would do everything she could to help me get rehired. During this call the psychiatrist that had been assigned to my case arrived, her name is Jasmine. She is unbelievably kind and compassionate. She runs through the usual routine of questions: do you feel like hurting yourself, how are you sleeping, how is your mood.  Jasmine explained to me that I experienced a psychotic break and I had been diagnosed with:

1.  Major Depressive Disorder, recurrent severe without psychotic features.

2. Generalized Anxiety Disorder

3. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder; Chronic

Jasmine also increased my dose of Lexapro to 20mg and discontinued Ambien and placed me on Trazodone and Prazosin to sleep.  After Jasmine left I met my Social Worker Kayla.  After signing some forms for her she left the room.

Lunch had arrived on the unit, again I walked down and got my tray, and retreated into my room to eat in quiet.  After lunch, I laid down for a nap.  I was awakened when dinner was served.  After dinner, I took a shower, changed clothes, and laid in my bed.  After evening meds arrived I went to bed.

♥️

I was lucky, many are not

I opened my eyes to very bright lights and a vision of my late husband standing at my bedside with that cheesy grin on his face before he disappeared. I am confused about where I am and why I am lying naked on a bed with a white sheet over me totally alone. Am I dead? Is this an out-of-body experience? Why am I here? My next memory is being waken up by two nurses who want to perform a covid test on me.

I ask why I am here and I am told that I attempted to end my life last night. I explained that is not possible I have never, ever had suicidal thoughts or planned to end my life. I ask what I did and am told I swallowed a bottle of Ambien.  I ask to call my boyfriend and was told that I am not allowed to speak to him. At this time a police officer takes a seat outside my room. The nurses proceed to explain that I am being transferred to Virginia Baptist Psychiatric Unit under a TDO (*Temporary Detention Order) from the court.

The next memory I have is of two nurses bringing me scrubs to wear, getting dressed, being placed in the back of a patrol car, and drove two hours to Lynchburg to the Psychiatric Unit. Once there I am processed, eat my first meal of the day, given my medication, take a hot shower, get dressed in new scrubs, and call and talk to my daughter. I am still wiped out from the medication side effects and the stressful day so I go to bed and sleep.

*Temporary Detention Order (TDO) is granted by the magistrate due to evidence of a person being at risk of harm to themselves and/or others.  A hearing shall be held within 24-72 hours on the unit, though if your admission took place over the weekend or holiday, the hearing could take longer, but will be held as soon as the court reopens.

Feeling:  Overwhelmed 😟 and Confused 😕

♥️