Things Continue To Just Get Better

Took mom to her new doctor Friday. He is a very nice gentleman, unlike the last jerk she was seeing. He looked at all my mothers mri records and medical records from her primary care doctor and said it is very obvious by my mother’s mri that her previous back fusion is crumbling and she must have a back fusion immediately or there is a chance she will not be able to walk. We have to schedule another test where they inject dye into her back to see where all the damage is and then we will be getting the surgery scheduled. This is going to be a 8-10 month process at best.

I am really stressing about this because I don’t like leaving mother alone while I work since she has already fell once, but I have to work since I am the only one bringing home an income. Her so called boyfriend is a jerk, and my sister is a jerk and neither offer any assistance in this. I have a couple of friends who have offered to lend me a hand while I am working and I have been making friends with a woman at work who has offered to give me a hand with my mother once she gets home from surgery.

Bruce is still my shoulder to cry on and my source of encouragement and support. I don’t know what I would do without him right now.

I am off to bed now and hopefully, I will wake up tomorrow and this will all be a very bad dream. . .

Balance

They say that adversity can be a valuable teacher, allowing us to emerge from our pain stronger than before. I am sure that this is the case but right now it just doesn't feel like it. I am tired, really tired. I have been unable to sleep at night due to stress, worry, and of course sinuses from this wonderful pollen shower that we are under right now. I have not seen pollen this bad in a very long time.

There have been major changes at my job, the old manager is gone the new manager has been put into place and she is doing an awesome job. Things are finally moving forward and things are getting done. I got promoted to swing shift supervisor so I had to adjust my body to a new sleep schedule, which has been difficult at best.

My mother is off work again and once again attempting to have back surgery the vertebrae that was pinching the nerve has shifted and she has no other option this time if she wants to be able to feel her legs and feet. She is heavily medicated, nonfunctional, and thinks ice cream and Reese's cups are the only food that exists. Due to her condition, I am again the sole money maker and I have to worry about that on a daily basis.

Bruce is having a pretty bad time right now also, so my trip has been placed on hold until there is a little more certainty in his life. He has some very hard important decisions to make, and I will be here to support him every step of the way. I love him with every fiber of my being.

I must find a balance somewhere

or an alternating rhythm

between these two extremes:

A swinging of the pendulum between solitude and communion

Between retreat and return.

In my periods of retreat

Perhaps I can learn something to carry back into my worldly life.

Deja Vu

This is obviously just not my month. I got home last night from work around 11:15pm and flopped down on the couch with my remote to watch my recording of Days of our Lives. Much to my surprise as I am sure you have guessed by now MY CABLE IS OFF AGAIN! Can we say BEYOND PISSED?!?!?! I just paid you over $200.00 two weeks ago and you have yet again mistakenly disconnected my service?!?!?! So, of course, I pick up the phone and I call the number knowing that they are closed until 7am.

Well I am still beyond pissed so I call tech support they are open 24/7. I feel so sorry for this poor kid that answered my call. I said can you tell me if there is an outage in my area. He checks and comes back and says "No Ma'am your service has been disconnected." To which I reply "Can you tell me why?" He studies my account and say "No ma'am I can not you are not behind in your payments it must have been a computer clitch." Of course he can't turn my cable back on because he is "Just Tech Support".

Well I am about ready to "Just take my money elsewhere!!"

Direct TV is starting to look REALLY good right now!!