Past Present and Present Future

Today was Steve’s eye surgery and everything went wonderful, actually it went way better than expected. He was actually able to start seeing out of his eye while they were performing the procedure. This is wonderful NEWS! At this point we do not know how clear his vision will be when his eye is completed healed but we are very hopeful.

Today was also Bruce’s 59th Birthday. I got him a card, a chain to wear our wedding rings around his neck and took him out to dinner at Willy and Jose’s. I am not sure that wearing our wedding rings around his neck is very healthy, but if it brings him comfort then I can’t ask him not to do it.

Willy and Jose’s sucked really bad, that is twice in a row, I probably will not be going back there to give them a chance at that third strike. I feel like I am stuck between my past present and my present future and I am being ripped in two. I do not hate Bruce he is actually a really good friend and I hate to see him hurting. I love Steve with every fiber of my being and want to be in his arms every second of every day.

All of this stress is tearing me up inside.

I love you more

I love you more and more with each breathe I take. You are my world, my life, and my future. God really blessed me when he gave me you. “Text message from Steve” 

Today was a very emotional day for me. I sat at work most of the morning at my desk crying for no real apparent reason. I felt lost, alone, isolated. Every time I would leave my desk people would ask me if I was alright. I got so tired of everyone’s concern, why can’t people just leave me alone?

Of course, I am not alright I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I have asked my husband for a divorce and he is still living in my home.  The man I love is 2,250 miles away and having surgery tomorrow and I should be by his side but instead, I am here, lost, alone, isolated from the one person I want more than anything.

To just be able to feel his touch, kiss his lips, smell his cologne. We have plans for September 19-25 but that seems so far away at this moment, 49 long days and longer nights to be exact. I know I will not sleep tonight worrying about Steve, and I will be a nervous wreck tomorrow until he calls me and tells me surgery is over and he is alright.

On a silent night when friends are few, I close my eyes and think of you, a silent night, a silent tear, a silent wish that you were here.

Forever

I got my new cell phone today. We have a bill together. We are one step closer to forever.