Saturday, May 30, 2015

Day 156

I tried drugging my way through it, drinking my way through it, shopping my way through it. I tried talking my way through it, laughing, crying, bluffing my way through it. I tried apportioning blame and getting angry.

But I discovered you don't get through the depression and pain until you face it, work through it. You have to move through it, not around it, you have to feel it to deal with it. You have to grieve in order to move on.

It has been 156 days since that horrible day. I think I have, like the countless widows before me, found a way to live with the grief. It is my constant companion. I function. I go to work. I live my life. I have happiness, I have love and I even have joy. But I still have the grief with me and always will. I carry it with me because I never stop being aware of the loss of you.