Last night I spent New Year's Eve all by myself in our apartment where we were to spend our first New Year arrival as a happily married couple. I am emotionally exhausted and I needed to be alone to try to come to terms with the cold fact that you are actually gone. Ten minutes before midnight I turned on Dick Clark Rocking Eve and saw all the tourists in the streets kissing each other happily and giggling with silly glasses and party hats on their heads and I began to cry and curse at God for taking you from me.
New Years is supposed to be about new beginnings and resolutions and new goals and hopes for the future. And maybe in a few days, I will be able to see it that way. But right now, right this very minute, the only thing I can see is that a new year has started and my husband will not be part of it.
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